Career Mode: "Selfishness v. Selflessness"

So as a mother, sometimes we undergo a huge amount of stress when making life decisions. We are continuously presented with the dichotomy of "selfishness vs. selflessness" and forced to choose between the two. Unfortunately, western socialization has lead us to believe that you only have two options when you are a woman with children. However, I would like to persuade you otherwise. I have met MANY mothers (including my own) who have compromised their dreams or life goals in order to raise their children. For women who have, I find this to be very admirable, however, it should not come at the expense of a woman's happiness. Happy mom=happy baby=happy family= happy marriage= etc. etc. etc.. When mom's happy,  everything else just seems to follow. Before having my daughter, I basically only worried about my own well being, however, when God blessed me with the sweetest little girl ever to walk this earth-- that all changed. EVERY decision I made effected her. I found myself feeling guilty for hanging out with my friends or for spending so much time away from her while I was at work. Then the time came for me to make the decision to go back to school. It seemed like such a simple decision, but it was such a difficult time for me. I had people who said I shouldn't do it. They said that I would be unable to handle the stress, that I wouldn't be able to adequately raise my daughter on my own and even encouraged me to compromise where I went to school and attend a less prestigious school. At the time, I was very hurt by the discouragement, but in hindsight I call their criticism "words of inspiration". I was criticized by some that my decision to return to UCSB was a selfish one, but I now realize that it was not selfish at all. I know one day my daughter will appreciate the decision her mother made. Society often makes mothers feel as though they need to make decisions that will entirely only benefit them, or entirely only benefit their children (the selfishness v. selflessness complex) ---- but doesn't it seem feasible to make a decision that will benefit you both?? I will admit that I made HUGE sacrifices to attend school and raise me daughter. She was in pre-school from 8-5pm everyday, and when I picked her up I only had a few hours to bathe her, feed her, do my homework, and spend some quality time with her. Every minute was always accounted for. I was working and had 3 internships! Not to mention my last quarter I took 19units!! It took major dedication and some sacrifices, but NEVER did I feel was compromising my life. Graduation day could just about have been the most happiest day of my life. Nothing could beat the feeling of diploma in one hand- and my daughter in the other. My little cheerleader was there with me through it all.

Now, I am in career mode. I am a now a junior publicist at Levine Communications in Beverly Hills and wake up everyday to keep on pushin'. I have rid myself of the "selfishness v. selflessness" complex, and wake up everyday to a happy life. The decisions I make are of course for the betterment of myself, but I am simultaneously setting an example for my daughter. My decisions benefit us BOTH! Not simply one or the other, and at the end of the day guess what? Mommy's happy because she didn't compromise her life. So I hope that all you mamas out there can relate, and understand that there is a way to make your dreams come true despite the negative connotations of "selfish"decisions. Whether you're deciding to go to college, thinking of a change of direction in your career, relocating, or any other major life decision...... remember that any decision you make towards your own pursuit of happiness, subsequently will make your children happy.

From one mama to another,

Teresa

P.S.
I would love for you readers to comment and let me know your thoughts. I would love some input, criticism, and even suggestions for topics to write about. (Even if you aren't a college mama) =)

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